cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
