She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
