Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
