I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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