It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
