JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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