Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
