You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
