dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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