the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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