new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
