I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
