Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
