That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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