I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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