I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
