I think I died a long time ago.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's never too late to be topless.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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