I got chris browned last night
My first STD was from a foam party
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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