nutella sex= disaster
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
