I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
