it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
