i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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