Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
