I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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