SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
