I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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