I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize