Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
