I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
