I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
