Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
