I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
