I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
