Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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