FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
