flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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