for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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