When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
