there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize