i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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