but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
