Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize