the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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