yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
