Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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