I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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