I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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