i don't plan on having that self control this summer
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
