Already got asked if we're dating
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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