girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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