What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
