I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
