people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
