i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
