two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
