do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
