He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
