We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
