Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
