The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
