it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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