So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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