i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
