her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
MIDGETS
????
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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