im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
