I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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