I puked a lego.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
