Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
