I just saw a hot homeless man
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you would pick up someone in the library
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
