I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My balls are so social today.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
