there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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