Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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