I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
