Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
