giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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