Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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