which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
