I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
