called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
