I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize