My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
