Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
